so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
