Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
