My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
