I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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