thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
