I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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