I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
