You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize