I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
