Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
