The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
