Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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