youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
