So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
