i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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