No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
