just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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