Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
