wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
