remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
