dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
