the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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