boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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