Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
tell me about the eggs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
