would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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