i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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