I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
