She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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