just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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