I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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