its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
