I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
