reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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