keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
