there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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