Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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