There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
