I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
