who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
