Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
