The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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