Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize