Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize