Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
