This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
