So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
