I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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