things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
