your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
