Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
