You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
