no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
