we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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