I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
