OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
