i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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