Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My feet surprised me
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