Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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