Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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