I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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