hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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