You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
