Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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