k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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