I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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