Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
