you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
